Talking to Your Child’s Teacher About PDA
Starting a conversation with your child’s teacher about PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) can feel daunting, but it’s one of the most powerful things you can do to support your child at school. School refusal is worryingly common for neurodivergent students.
Recent analyses show that around forty percent of autistic pupils are persistently absent. For children with a PDA profile, the PDA Society reports that over 70% are not in school or struggle with regular attendance. These numbers highlight just how important the right support and environment can be in helping children feel safe enough to learn. When teachers understand the why behind behaviours and what they can do to help they’re far more likely to adapt expectations and reduce pressure, changes that can turn daily crises into steps back to learning.
If your child has a PDA profile, you’ve probably already experienced the challenge of trying to explain it to others, especially at school. Teachers are usually doing their best, but PDA isn’t something most have been trained in. When a child’s behaviours are misunderstood, they can end up being labelled as defiant, manipulative, or “just difficult,” when really, they’re overwhelmed and anxious.
So how do you start a conversation with your child’s teacher that’s clear, respectful, and actually helpful?
Explain what PDA actually is
Most teachers have heard of autism, but fewer are familiar with the PDA profile. It helps to explain that your child isn’t being deliberately difficult, they often feel anxious and overwhelmed when they’re not in control. Avoiding demands is usually their way of trying to feel safe.
You might say - “PDA is part of my child’s autism profile. For them, even small requests can feel overwhelming or threatening. They’re not trying to be difficult, it’s how their nervous system reacts to pressure. Avoiding demands is often their way of trying to feel safe.”
Help the teacher see the anxiety underneath the behaviour
Teachers often see surface-level behaviours like refusal, meltdowns, distraction, humour, or negotiation. It can look oppositional and manipulative. But, when they understand that anxiety is driving these behaviours, they’re more likely to respond with support instead of consequences.
You could try - “When they push back or try to take control, it’s not about being difficult, it’s usually their way of coping with how overwhelmed and anxious they feel’.
Be specific about strategies that work
Teachers often appreciate practical solutions. The more collaborative and practical you can be, the more likely the strategies will be implemented.
You might suggest:
Offering choices instead of direct instructions
Using indirect language (e.g. “I wonder if…” or “Shall we try…”)
Allowing extra time and flexibility
Avoiding public pressure or strict time limits
Building trust before making requests
Skipping behaviour charts
Avoiding public praise
Use humour
Offer to collaborate
Teachers are juggling a lot, so approaching the conversation as a partnership can go a long way.
You could say - “I really want to work with you to help make things easier. I’m happy to share resources or brainstorm together. We’re still learning too, and I know this is a team effort.”
Bring a one-page profile
Give the teacher something short and practical they can refer back to like a simple, visual one-pager with your child’s strengths, challenges, interests, sensory needs and helpful strategies can be a game-changer.
If you don’t have a one-page profile for your child yet, one of the psychologists or occupational therapists at Spectrum Services Qld can help you create one.
Final thoughts
The PDA profile may be new to your child’s teacher. It can take time to understand and that’s okay. A gentle, clear conversation or email can plant the seed. The most important thing is that your child feels understood, and supported in their learning environment.